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[10 Dec 2009|06:23pm] |
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I've been reading "Nearer the Moon - the previously unpublished, unexpurgated diary 1937-39" by Anaïs Nin, and it's sooooo good. The woman was such a passionate writer, lover of life and muse to many great artists and thinkers of her time. She speaks to my gypsy soul.
"Artifice is art, the paradise, the only paradise. Paradise was a place with white-feather pine trees, with fur and mirrors, with glass fishes, veiled lamps, Arabian divans, silk-lined walls, invisible music, dishes shaped like stars, costumes of cellophane. Paradise was artifice. In artifice there is peace, joy, forgetting, enchantment, opium."
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"I walked to Henry's studio to meet Nancy and Lawrence Durrell. I saw Durrell's eyes, eyes that know everything, eyes like those of a sea animal, both of earth, sky and water, of seer and prophet, of child and old man. What keenness in them. He sees everything. His soul sees, his body, his creative self, through those clear, clairvoyant eyes. He was as I expected him to be, soft and feminine, healthy and humorous, fawn and swimmer. Immediate vision. Then I saw Nancy, a long-waisted boy with beautiful long leopard eyes, a Greek boy. And then we talked, but it was not very necessary.
With a few people I have had that eye connection, instantaneous transmissions, the eyes' current, a sort of accrochage, an encounter of the eyes which skips all reality. At one bound, with Moricand, with Carteret, with June, with Gonzalo, with Thurema. One is instantly inside of them, and they inside of you, by knowing."
Anaïs Nin wrote that Henry Miller coined the phrase "Land of F*ck" which has always amused me and captured my attention when Erica Jong used it in one of her poems. Maybe it was a tribute to Henry since he was her mentor and they were lovers as well? It is one of my favorites. I've shared it before in my LJ but shall do so again behind the cut, if you are interested.
( Read more... )
My mind is full of sensuality and luscious things. Plus I'm starving (waiting for my dinner to finish cooking) so naturally my mind wanders and starts combining these gluttonous forces into one stream of consciousness:
Pretzels dipped in spicy mustard, roasted garlic crackers and a medley of olives, creamy baked brie and assorted cheeses, buttery Italian toasts with an artichoke & parmesan spread, slices of crisp green apple, crunchy almonds covered in sea-salt, sticky toffee pudding with macadamia nuts, Scottish walnut shortbread cookies, creme brulee, chocolate graham crackers, peppermint bark, caramel-dipped strawberries, mug of hot tea, or a slim flute of bubbling champagne.
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[09 Dec 2009|09:13pm] |
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Hel: by Susan Seddon Boulet
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"Hel is the Norse Queen of the underworld, a mother goddess in her underworld guise; she rules over a fiery womb of regeneration. Her underworld, unlike the Christian hell, is simply an underworld, a place of renewal rather than a place of punishment and misery. When northern Shamans visit her realm, they put on a helkappe, a magical mask (sometimes called a helmet) that renders them invisible. Hel is an embodiment of the divine mystery, a challenge to look behind the mask of appearances to see things as they really are."
- from Susan Seddon Boulet: The Goddess Paintings, by Michael Babcock.
In my spare time when I'm not obsessing about the "seven deadly sins" and how they have either disappeared completely from my life or how others that aren't nearly as much fun have rudely landed in my lap; I'm accomplishing things. Ok, maybe not great things but I've been working out, getting a lot of reading done, and writing letters again. Which doesn't sound like much but it means a lot to the person reading the scribbling, since my Grandma doesn't have a computer to look over my insane online ramblings.
You're probably thinking "what does that have to do with the Norse Queen of the underworld?" Essentially this, my life is in the pattern of regeneration. The concept that every seven years each person sloughs off their cellular psyche and even the outer/epidermal layers to become something renewed and clean. I've been through the "trial by fire" test and definitely had a crisis of faith but luckily it didn't crush my concept of spirituality, so I'm ready for the starting over fresh part. Granted my troubled heart weighs a lot more than a feather and if it were tested by Anubis, I'd be bound for doom from the demon Ammit, the Destroyer; but I believe in moving forward and no matter how slow the process goes, I trust it's a good thing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A few more things on my mind:
There's a part of me that cynically tells myself that I'll never have sex again if I don't "shut up" with all of this self analysis and how I scare men away. In case you are wondering, the a$$hole part of my nature isn't completely sold on the idea that it's wrong to have most people fear you and leave you alone...(after all mixing fear and respect is a legitimate way of reinforcing positive behavior)...but I'm just not ready to drive away all of the cool geeky guys who generally are too meek to talk to me. You know the type, the shy ones who will rip my panties off with their teeth if I give them half a chance at seducing me. Or is that me seducing them? Oh hell, you get the idea. I'm not even officially 100% "out there" or even looking to date anyone and I'm exhausted already. The idea of sex lurks in my mind but the concept of dating and all of the bullsh*t baggage that comes with it - sigh - not looking forward to it. That's not even bringing up uncomfortable matters like compatibility, sexual chemistry, and finding out if someone is disease free. Geesh, it's enough to make me go insane and become even more of a hermit, living out my existence through my computer and virtual dreams while simultaneously reading travel books, watching Netflix movies and feeding the cats who will eat my body when I die, alone in my apartment. Yeah, it's a scary thought and MERRY CHRISTMAS to you too.
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| Excellent weekend... |
[06 Dec 2009|09:23pm] |
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ER Season 1, Episode 15 "Feb 5, '95" |
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Well it appears that I have had an excellent weekend...
Friday night was a lovely evening in the Hop Leaf with ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) snorkel_maiden, her husband Tom (sans LJ), and Helen, Toby and Jenny (all sans LJ too). We talked of many, many things, discovered that it's harder to make Jen go funny colours just by lowering the tone than it used to be, and Tom like Scampi Fries more than I would have expected! ;-)
Saturday morning was up early (for a Saturday), get the bike out of the back of the car and then bite down hard (metaphorically speaking) to drive to Leytonstone on the third to last weekend before Xmas... Two hours later I was at 491 Gallery picking up my pictures from two exhibitions and saying a brief hello to Debbie.
Back in the car and I was off to Ilford to see harold_chasen, ingenue_the and their new arrival, Henry. I spent a lovely couple of hours catching up with them, having a truly needed and appreciated PBJ and I got to meet Henry despite the fact that he was sleeping when I showed up. I don't want to sound too broody and / or gushy, but it's a really wonderful thing to see two people that I like that much so happy and enjoying being new parents so much, and from my brief meeting, Henry is a lovely little fellah :-)
From there it was back to Reading, into the shower and then a suit (yes you did read that correctly) and off to the Marquis de Gray's Bohemian Christmas Extravaganza, to meet up with kittycat_holt and Neil, and of course misspotsitt to have a drink and a natter while we waited for the latter to take the stage. The show was excellent, a lot of fun, more than value for money and it was lovely to see misspotsitt perform again - imho she was fab :-)
I slept very well - this may have been down to the Xmas bubbles (although it was "House" champagne, yes that was on the label, it was very nice), and was up early to get ready for my shoot this afternoon with ulorin_vex up at a studio in Oxford. We were working on my ongoing project "Shadow Walkers", and I have to say that it was worth the wait to work with her (long story but over the last couple of years she and I have been booked to work together and have each cancelled due to unforseen but completely understandable circumstances). The results can be seen below (under the cut). I am really pleased with them, and in no small part that's due to the fact that she is an excellent model with an impeccable command of her physicality; she almost seemed to know where I was about to ask her to put her hand or how I was about to ask her to position herself. Just a joy to work with.
( Pictures under here... (NSFW, but tasteful nudity imho) )
And now I am working on the other pictures and watching ER - hooray for a full season of one of my favourite TV shows on iTunes for just £9.99
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[03 Dec 2009|10:57pm] |
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Hello Live Journal. I've been neglecting you, not out of lack of content but rather uncertain how to contribute my thoughts. They are rather scattered lately but I'll do my best and not edit or discourage the process.
Tonight my body is a temple. Earlier I filled my garden tub up with steaming hot water and had a long soak. Considering there is a snow advisory in effect, it felt so nice to warm myself to the bone. Every inch of skin (including my feet) was soaped and slathered with coconut and chocolate mousse scrub and then buffed to a fine finish with a whipped body creme laced with more bitter chocolate, vanilla, citrus, black pepper and nutmeg. I'm a walking dessert menu.
As I mentioned there is the possibility of snow flurries. We had about an hour of downfall several days ago and typical for Texas and the time of year, it melted immediately after touching the ground. We were lucky it didn't turn to black ice and make our driving conditions even more dangerous than what is dealt with on a daily basis. If the snow does force us all to take an obligatory "snow day", my pantry is fully stocked and assuming the electricity stays on I'll get to read books and eat well. My taste buds demand the following treats: White Chocolate Chip & Cranberry Cookies, Lemon Almond Tart, Cinnamon-Spiced Nuts (pecans & walnuts), Strawberry & Blueberry Cream Cheese Crepes w/Powdered Sugar, Caramel-Apple waffles, and a grilled cheese from Wisconsin called Brun-Uusto - "which is baked to form a tasty crust similar to toasted bread. The rich buttery flavor is complemented by the warmth and pungent spice of garlic." Additional plans include watching Wizard People, Dear Readers a "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" spoof commentary written by Brad Neely. If you haven't seen the documentary WE ARE WIZARDS - please do so and Brad Neely's inventive and hilarious work is showcased prominently.
The moon is full and my mind wanders. Looking around it's apparent that my apartment is perfect for eliminating the winter doldrums. My Christmas colors this year are jewel tones featuring orange-copper, emerald-green, fire-red, sapphire-blue and accented with flashes of gold. Even my stocking and a Santa figurine are an homage to Venice. Although the bedroom is a snowy blanket of goose-down white and cream designed to ease the mind and drift off to sleep. Speaking of, that's something I should do soon because morning comes much too quickly and especially when you don't want to get out of a cozy-warm bed. I'm not a fan of cold weather but my cousin and I have a dream to go somewhere next Christmas that offers dry snow. If it's going to be cold let's have some fun in it. Rent a European-styled mountain chalet with a fireplace. Do some snowboarding and/or skiing. Sit in a hot tub and sip champagne Mimosas. Bundle up and take a horse-drawn sleigh ride. Stroll through town & shop for gourmet treats and special things like faux-fur hats out of "Dr Zhivago". You get the idea. I want my winter with a bit of romance and adventure.
I'm certain I've shared these Christmas Cocktail recipes before but here they are again. Each are perfect for entertaining guests and making them feel festive and special:
• A mixture of peppermint schnapps, crème de menthe, and vodka becomes a sweet candy cane martini. Mix a batch before guests arrive and keep the pitcher on ice. For an extra-special touch, have glasses on hand rimmed in finely crushed peppermint candy.
• Give warm spiced cider a little kick with a shot of apple brandy. Add cinnamon sticks for garnish.
• A Mistletoe Kiss—Champagne, orange liqueur, and cranberry juice is festive and delicious. Combine 1 part orange liqueur to two parts cranberry juice; pour into a Champagne flute and top with 2 parts chilled Champagne.
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| VW Scirocco |
[03 Dec 2009|08:39pm] |
His footsteps crunched over broken stone, over gravel, and made a noticeable grinding noise as he made his way down Mulberry Street. A red, Volkswagen Scirocco sat idling on the shoulder. Outside of a hum of the four cylinder, life around her steel chassis was completely still. It was as if the car had been abandoned, discarded, and left for some lucky soul with a lack of tact and a bad disposition to have his way for a few hours before the haze of impending repercussions became too thick and acrid to stay in drive.
But he walked up, knowing something the world didn’t. His pure and purposeful fingers reached down to the handle, and as they hovered a millimeter over metal, the distinct sound of automation made the lock release. He opened the door and cigarette smoke slowly billowed out, with the pill of Poison women's cologne on its tongue. It was the first time he’d smelled such a thing. The combination of overly sweet with nicotine. Up the nostrils and into the head, for a word that simply read “trouble.” But being young, this was two by two that made his mouth salivate. He could taste three minutes from now, and it was almost too much for one human to digest.
So he slid into the bucket seat and closed the door. His eyes began to scan floor, to gears, to stereo and cassette tape, and ended upon her legs. Her legs that seemed to start at the sunroof and end at the accelerator. They were immaculate. They were smooth. Tactile silk. Toned. They were tight around curves, and fast from stand-still. He paused here. He paused because this was a new thing. Something so adult, and foreign. He was used to a menu of “not for you,” or “you couldn’t afford this,” so seeing such a perfect thing sitting across from him was a tandem trick and a treat.
Without saying “hello” or “how’re you today?” she simply reached across his knee and pushed the white cassette tape slowly into the open slot. She stamped out her cigarette on the way down. A little REO Speedwagon and a lot of chipped red nail polish made him take a second look outside. It was a place he desperately wanted to remember.
To his left, a run-down park with a single swing presiding over an overgrown baseball backstop. To his right, massive Oaks whose branches were swaying more and more violently as the skies became more and more ominous. He watched as they dipped below what Newton would recommend. He looked up at cumulus that seemed to open and close in a chorus of angry mouths. He waited for what they had to say, then the crack of thunder and her hand touched his leg.
He’d never been the type to have this type of woman. Who drove a quick car and wasn’t afraid of his sex. The entire cab reeked of a young man’s self-imposed expectations. Outside – the air was thick with the ninety-nine percent chance of collusion.
She grew tired of the diorama and slid her driver’s seat all the way back and reclined the leather until it rested on the back. She took one of her legs and placed it just below the steering column and pulled the few inches of textile up until the center of the universe coincided with the tachometer. He watched as her finger disappeared and her breath began to echo the wind outside. He followed her body all the way up to her eyes, which were fixed on him – waiting and watching for a next move. And in his head, he felt so far removed from Saturday morning cartoons and pancakes with extra maple syrup that he almost missed the taste of milk and flour and gluten.
It was a transition that took place in the blink of an eye. His childhood, his inner “remarkable” was stamped out, while another undefined forward soul assumed its place. He leaned over and hovered over her body. He could feel her temperature. He could smell her cologne at the nape. He could feel her moving side to side below, as her pleasure began to ladder climb. Her hips rose up and touched him. She wanted the weight of him upon her. She wanted to coordinate with cracks of lightning and the rhythm of in between rain. He stood at the feet of Libra and felt balance spiral. So he unzipped and awkwardly worked his twenty-nine Levi five seventeens below his mother-bought whites.
Even as he stood at this precipice of transition, of the wicked feet of evolution and ecology, he was acutely aware of the road he was about to embark on. And he mourned. He mourned in the excitement of how he would feel tomorrow, of the loss that was about to take place today. In the shadow of rocket park and the swirl of a low pressure system, he bid farewell to the mother of invention. Her hand reached up and moved over combed cotton. She touched him, and the chipped red nail polish pulled his last defense to the knees. It was purposeful and dripping in lust.
“Take control…”
She whispered as she waited for the rook to slide right. But on his lips:
“I’m afraid.”
Waited.
And she kissed it quickly into an afterthought.
She tasted sweet. Her lips moved around the crest of his and played with lower. He felt so unrefined and basic that everything he wanted to try felt like a laughtrack. It didn’t matter. And as slid over to her seat and put his bodyweight over hers, he could feel the seconds draining away from a clock he had become so familiar. His body transformed into a lightswitch. And as the voltage that moved from red to black to white coordinated with an outside crack of lightning, he plugged himself into the swirling mouth of cumulus and a fifty-mile-an-hour gust of wind.
She spoke of pleasure. He pushed deeper. She moved to accommodate. And in wild Technicolor – he watched birthdays of ice cream cake and roller skates yellow and drift out of focus. She drove him up, he pushed down, and all the slow dances became insignificant. He felt her underneath. Her sex on his flesh. Her voice, her calling out in the reverb and chorus of Speedwagon would now be the benchmark for the end of a sentence whether he liked it or not.
In the Scirocco was Eden.
A bitter and sweet scent, moving in and out of hundred percent humidity, to the guitar and drums of mediocre rock and roll.
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[30 Nov 2009|10:03pm] |
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Last Wednesday I drove into Oklahoma for Thanksgiving holiday and spent 4.5 glorious days with my Grandma and family. Plus in December my mother flies in from Florida and I get to do it all over again.
This is from a bottle of lotion which I find hilarious and inspiring. I want to take photo's in a field with long grasses blowing in the wind and sunlight filtering in and framing my face.
OPTIMISM:
"I can sit back and relax. My favorite song comes on the radio. He realizes that we're perfect for one another. The sun breaks through the clouds. The flowers blossom and bloom. The rain stops. I land my dream job. I live somewhere tropical. I'm discovered. My ship comes in. I win the lottery. I can sit back and relax...."
....I spend the day laughing and hugging.....
Jenn & Misha: Wild as the Wind Cousins. Thanksgiving 2009 holiday
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( Read more... )
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[28 Nov 2009|07:42pm] |
Another found, another recent. Thought I would share. Despite the cheeky grin, I really was doing my best to remain focused on the upright.
Plus, with a smile, you never know what will come from it...
( Read more... )
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| Quickie.. |
[27 Nov 2009|05:38pm] |
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It's very hard to believe that this year is coming to a close. I can't believe
that Thanksgiving already came and went. And with that I hope everyone
had a nice thanksgiving with their friends and family!! And I have to apologize
for my lack of updates or photos on here. I've been doing a lot of debating on
where I want to go with this blog and what I want to do. Still not entirely sure,
but I guess I can take it day by day as I go along and see how it all feels.
In any case, since my last update things have been in a progressively steady
pace. Work has been good and I have already received a raise which made me
super happy! Plus I will be able to buy a bus pass and get reimbursed for it which
is another big plus! I also got a side project from the auditor at work so that gave me
some extra hours to work at home and get some extra untaxed cash which is very
needed. In the social front I haven't done too much but just enough to make me
happy. I got to spend Raquels' birthday with her in Long Beach and we had an
awesome day of Hole Mole food, Molaa, and some afternoon tea/latte lounging at
the coffee shop. The following day I had plans to meet with Erin for some brunch
with a few girls at 212 Bistro for bottomless mimosas. Let's just say the food was
great, and the mimosas even better. I got nicely hammered to the point that I was
slurring my words and could barely walk up stairs. After our brunch and fun was over
Nathan picked me up and we made our way to the mall to go to Bath & Body Works
to buy some handsoaps. How I made it in the mall and in the store I will never know.
It was honestly all a messy blurr. It was insane. I never thought I could get so hammered
off champagne but it is easy to drink lots of it and not realize how drunk you really are!
Somehow I stumbled in the house, made my way to the bathroom and then finally to
bed at about 6pm. I am glad I was able to wake up a few ours later still slightly buzzed
but feeling better. That was a crazy day!!
Haha, well other than that Thanksgiving was nice and mellow. I got to see my mom which
is always nice and Nathan's family. We had lots of food and a nice time together. Well for
now that's it. I will make a good photo update to catch up on the photos and possibly a
few other things along the way. So what have I missed with everyone out there? Anything
you'd like to share about what's going on with you? Do share if so :)
Love & Hugs xoxo
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